This past weekend I had the honor to officiate at the wedding of my nephew, Mark, and his wife, Jennie. In my remarks at the ceremony, I chose to reflect on the age-old question, “What is love?” because I wanted to share a perspective that was perhaps new for many of the people listening.
It is common to think of love as a feeling one has for another. While feelings are certainly one aspect of love, what I believe, and what I shared in my remarks, is that love is most importantly, a decision. Feelings ebb and flow in all relationships (marriage and otherwise), and yet the decision to act with love is a choice that is always possible. If you think of the people that you love and that love you, you will likely realize that the expression of that love has involved countless decisions over time that have expressed kindness, patience, generosity, and hopefulness.
Mark and Jennie chose to have the familiar Biblical text from 1 Corinthians 13 read at their wedding. This simple text, some of the most beautiful words ever written about love, does not speak of love as a feeling, but rather it reminds us of the decisions that one makes to act in specific ways that are the foundation of mature love.
“Love is patient; love is kind;
love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude.
It does not insist on its own way;
it is not irritable or resentful;
it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth.
It bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things.”
In my message, I added that not only is this reading a profound description of love, but it can also serve as a relational self-assessment. Think of an important relationship in your life, and then with that relationship in mind, read the passage above with your name or “I” in place of the word love. For me, this would mean, “Scott is patient; Scott is kind; Scott is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude, …etc.” And then I can ask myself if what I just read is true or not. To whatever degree it is not true, I can then make a decision to change and align my actions more closely with my desire to be all that this passage inspires me to be.
Perhaps there is an important relationship in your life right now that feels stressed and conflicted. How could thinking of love primarily as a decision and not a feeling help you to make some choices that might lead to the renewal and strengthening of that relationship?
Article by The Rev. Dr. D. Scott Stoner, Living Compass
