“Acting tough is about external appearances. It involves creating a persona that convinces other people you’re impervious to pain. True mental strength involves working on your character. Mentally strong people are willing to be vulnerable, and quite often, people confuse their openness and honesty with frailty.” – Amy Morin
We live in uncertain times that present daily challenges to our emotional well-being. If you are wondering how to cultivate the mental strength to move forward, I recommend an insightful book by psychotherapist Amy Morin. Her book 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do: Take Back Your Power, Embrace Change, Face Your Fears, and Train Your Brain for Happiness and Success might be helpful. If reading a whole book on emotional well-being creates more stress, then you will be pleased to know you can find the “Cliff Notes” version of her book in an article she wrote for Inc.—you can read that article at: https://www.inc.com/amy-morin/10-signs-youre-a-mentally-strong-person-even-though-most-people-think-these-are-weaknesses.html
Morin’s primary point is that we often mistake acting tough with being strong. Real strength, especially in times of extreme uncertainty, manifests in the ability to be vulnerable, flexible, and willing to change one’s mind in the face of new information and facts as they are revealed.
Here are Morin’s top ten signs of mentally strong people:
- Be kind.
- Changing your mind.
- Acknowledging your weaknesses.
- Being patient.
- Asking for help.
- Being comfortable with failing.
- Expressing emotions.
- Walking away.
- Improving yourself.
- Staying calm.
This list presents very different ideas of strength than what I was taught to believe growing up. Pretending to be tough and in full control, I now know, is actually a false or pseudo-strength, usually present in direct proportion to the fear that someone is trying to hide. As I have aged, I have learned that real strength is grounded in what Amy Morin writes about in her book and article.
How about you? How do you think of emotional strength? As you read the list of these ten attributes, is there one that “has your name on it”? What do you need to enhance as you seek to stay emotionally healthy in the midst of all we are facing right now? For me, 4 and 5 are revealing themselves to be essential for me to practice as I deal with all the unknowns regarding how this pandemic will continue to unfold.
Take comfort in knowing that if you are feeling tired, weak, or vulnerable in some way, and willing to accept and embrace these feelings, you have taken the first step in enhancing your emotional strength and well-being. Then look at the list and consider what might be others you could practice to grow stronger in this challenging time.
Article by The Rev. Dr. D. Scott Stoner, Living Compass
