People have reached out to talk more this week than usual. Many of the conversations I have had have concluded with some version of, “I didn’t expect you to solve anything, I just needed someone to listen. Thank you for being there.” I am always honored when someone trusts me enough to be vulnerable and share the challenges they are facing.
People are reaching out more because this sheltering at home is getting arduous. The novelty has long worn off, and the emotional, relational, and economic stresses are mounting. Part of what makes what we are all experiencing so difficult is there isn’t anything any of us can do to fix it. This is when listening becomes even more critical.
There are times when the goal of listening to someone talk about a challenge is so we can offer a possible solution. For example, if someone is struggling with how to use Zoom and asks if we can help, we listen until we have enough information to offer a helpful response. A different, deeper kind of listening is needed, though when we are listening to problems that cannot be solved. In this case, the gift, the intention of our listening is for the other person to feel truly cared for and heard.
The word compassion means “with suffering.” To listen with compassion is to stand with a person in the midst of their struggle. It is to be present with them in a way that helps them to feel loved, honored, and respected. It is one of the greatest gifts we can give one another.
It has been pointed out that it is perhaps not a coincidence that the words listen and silent contain the same letters. To truly listen, we have to be comfortable with silence. We also have to be comfortable with silence or not speaking or responding too quickly so as to hijack the other person’s story.
You don’t need to merely take my word on the power of truly listening to another; you can experience it. Over the next day or two, I invite us all to make an effort to listen intently to the people with whom we interact. Practice the discipline and intention it takes to listen deeply to another person. As you listen to them, listen to truly understand what they are saying, experiencing, feeling, and thinking, and not merely to respond. Ask clarifying questions that let the person know you really care about what they are experiencing. Be still within yourself and be fully present to what they are saying to you. Try this several times and note what happens.
And because reading is a form of listening, I would like to thank you for listening to what I have shared here. I hope it inspires you to listen more carefully and to be more fully present to the people in your life, especially those who are feeling frightened, overwhelmed, and alone right now.
Article by The Rev. Dr. D. Scott Stoner, Living Compass
