August 2, 2020
The Episcopal Church of St. Thomas the Apostle
Dallas, Texas
The Reverend Stephen J. Waller
From the Book of Genesis:
“Jacob was left alone; and a man wrestled with him until daybreak. When the man saw that he did not prevail against Jacob, he struck him on the hip socket; and Jacob’s hip was put out of joint as he wrestled with him. Then he said, “Let me go, for day is breaking.” But Jacob said, “I will not let you go, unless you bless me. So he said to him, “What is your name? And he said, “Jacob.” Then the man said, “ You shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel, for you have striven with God and with humans, and have prevailed.” Then Jacob asked him, “Please tell me your name.” But he said, “Why is it that you ask my name?” And there he blessed him. So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, “For I have seen God face to face, and yet my life is preserved.” The sun rose upon him as he passed Penuel, limping because of his hip.
“Limping because of his hip.”
“I have seen God face to face, and yet my life is preserved.”
Those of you who have been members of St. Thomas the Apostle for a while will remember that I am a priest who has been limping for many years. Years ago now a wise priest/therapist friend told me, “Stephen, “you will hurt yourself a lot during your life.” At the time, I thought he was kidding. My life, however, has proved him right. I have hurt myself many times in my life: The list is long… the kind of long list hospitals ask you to fill out when you go to have your even temp taken!
As a college student, I tore a ligament in my right knee allowing my leg to swing side ways. I have yet to “get” snow skiing. My mother would not let the Virginia doctor operate on me until my pediatrician phoned him to do a consult! While in Milwaukee at St. Timothy’s Parish, I broke my wrist on a skateboard trying to prove to a 14 year old named Michael and to myself that I was young enough to skateboard. At the emergency room, following my landing on the frozen sidewalk, standing there dressed all in Black and White, the attendant behind the window asked: “Father, how did you break your wrist?“ I was riding a skateboard, I replied. The roar of laughter from the ER folk at hearing that a priest broke his wrist on a skateboard still rings in my ears. Try driving a stick shift in Milwaukee snow with your right wrist in a cast.
Once I arrived in Dallas at St. Thomas the Apostle, the list of “hurting myself” increased almost annually: The two events which stand out in my mind and, probably, in the mind of members of the parish at that time, are my Thanksgiving night leap off a fence when I broke my left calcaneus bone (You do not want to break that bone). I was basically flat on my back for six long months due to my Thanksgiving leap of faith. The other dumb event happened while I was trying to replace a light bulb in my master bath standing on the seat of the toilet. When I got up from the floor where I August 6, 2020
My Dear Doubters of Great Faith,
The good people of St. Thomas the Apostle “took care of their clumsy third rector in fine fashion.” In bed for the six months following the broken heal bone, (my foot had to be above my heart all the time which meant I was flat on my back), members of this parish would bring meals to my home every day and leave them for me to eat; they brought in my mail; they took me to doctor appointments; one helped me with daily the IV drips; and another took my trash out every week wearing a full length mink coat!
In retirement since December of 2012, I have fallen out of bed splitting my head open; broken my wrist again while walking for my health; and most recently broken my left tibia falling off a ladder in my bedroom while hanging a picture of Assisi (I am an Franciscan, after all).
“Limping because of his hip.” “Limping because of his hip.”
Priests are human beings, subject to the same trials and tribulations of all other humans. We are not super humans who do not sin; who do not wrestle with God and with other humans; (mostly members of the parishes where we serve); we experience the same calamities of lay folk. We, too, are and can be “broken” people… people who fall down and have trouble getting up…people who do stupid things to themselves and to others… people, who like all people need the healing Grace of God.
Perhaps you are surprised to learn this about priests. Perhaps you are one of those layfolk who want your religious leaders to be perfect… you do not want a priest who drives around Dallas with a Disability placard in his/her chariot. You may think that priests are not people who ever need “professional help” with their psyches. You may believe as one person who was wanting me to support him in seeking Holy Orders said to me: “Stephen, I want to be a priest. I believe all priest are people without faults and problems.” Stunned at hearing those words come from the mouth of this aspirant, I replied: “you will have to go home and think some more.” I could never support you for ordination if you persist in believing clergy are without faults.” I personally would never want a priest who was without faults…” without limps while walking.” That kind of thinking about priests causes all sorts of problems… not the least of which is: “the Father knows best myth.”
The reason I am talking about my own cracks in my personality and body today is because St. Thomas the Apostle has a new rector now… as of the beginning of February. Father Christopher and I are friends… the kind of friends who can be utterly honest with one another. He does seem to be a better put together man than I… perhaps it is the age difference… but, none the less, he is first of all a human being, a man. You have called him to be among you as your priest and rector and he has embraced that call wholeheartedly and with an enthusiasm which leaves me breathless. I am impressed by his gifts, by his talents, by his drive.
Still, he is a human who has, like all humans, “issues.” That is the kind of priest you want among you… someone who knows what being a human means, not someone who pretends to “have it all together.” He does not have it all together. Neither do any of us have it all together.
Therefore as you grow in this new relationship of Rector and Parish, I charge you to be gentle with each another. He cannot read your minds. That is not taught in any Seminary. If you have a problem, as my Seminary Chaplain told us at the start of Seminary, raise you hand and tell him. If he does something really well, let him know that… with words which show that you mean it. If he somehow disappoints you in any manner, you may also let him know that… but, I pray you, please do it gently with sensitivity. Priests, like most other humans, do not enjoy being shouted at. Speak to him when you want him to know something about you; when you have a question; when you have a need. Speak to him about the good and bad in your life.
He too is wrestling with God and with humans (you are the humans he gets to wrestle with)… just like Jacob did, he will wrestle with God. Just like Jacob, Christopher wants a blessing from God. He too wants to know who it is who is wrestling him.
He too will see God face to face… often when he looks into your faces, he will see the face of God in your face.
I ask you to look into Christopher’s face and to seek the Face of God there. God has brought you and your new Rector together in this beloved community of St. Thomas the Apostle… Doubters of Great Faith as he calls you.
If he is lucky, maybe he can walk away without a limp! AMEN.
